I recently went through an unnecessary dry season in my walk with Christ. The reason I say unnecessary is because I could have come to Him in brokenness and need way sooner, begging Him for the power of His Spirit to overcome my sin and defeated life. He would have met me in an instant. But instead, I wallowed in my defeat and discouragement, buying into the lies of the enemy that I was unworthy and unfit to even come to God, and that I was doomed to a life of mediocrity in my faith. I am glad to say that God provided me with the right reminders at the right time on the baptism (immersion, filling) of the Holy Spirit and the prerequisites to receive Him. He also opened my eyes to so many verses of the New Testament that I have known on a head level, but now feel like I am coming to know in a deep way in my heart.
I have previously had some baggage with the term "baptism of the Holy Spirit" based on some (honestly) somewhat strange and confusing experiences in the past. But recently, I have heard some really simple and good teaching about this "baptism of the Spirit". I now view the baptism of the Holy Spirit as the complete immersion or filling of the Holy Spirit that may or may not be felt or experienced in the soul (thoughts and emotions) in any way at all, and can come in a variety of different ways: prayer alone, prayer from another person, etc. But the main purpose and fruit of this baptism is to gain the power of the Holy Spirit to live a Spirit filled, victorious, Christ centered life. The way you know you have been baptized in the Spirit is not because you felt tingles down your spine or laughed and cried, though these things might honestly happen and I do not despise them, but because you become more like Jesus, you are empowered to surrender more wholeheartedly to God and live for his approval and glory, you are more in love with Jesus, you have more power and anointing for ministry, you have more victory over defeated patterns and sin, and you have more evidence of the fruit of the Holy Spirit flowing in and through you like rivers of living water. How I long for all of these things, but I desperately need the Holy Spirit for every single thing that I am called to in walking with Jesus.
In terms of the prerequisites in receiving the Holy Spirit, Scripture lays out that we should be hungry, poor in spirit, and ask for Him with faith that we will receive when we ask. I feel like the biggest work God has been doing in my heart among these prerequisites is poverty of spirit. He has been showing me just how powerless I am on my own, and how truly sinful I am. I am beginning to rejoice more and more over this, but for the most part have felt discouraged and depressed by this process because I haven't had the eyes of Scripture to delight in the work God is doing. I have essentially felt cursed and sad for poverty of spirit when Scripture says that I am blessed (which means happy) if I am poor in spirit because I can receive the Kingdom of God in this place. Jesus said he came to save that which was lost and the sick, not the "righteous." I have realized that most of my Christian life, I have largely depended on myself and felt pretty self sufficient compared to what I am feeling now. And I am beginning to rejoice in this because I am in a prime place to be filled up with the Holy Spirit, which I am getting hungrier and hungrier for each day. I feel like I have experienced the good news of the gospel in a fresh way. Because I have felt so discouraged and cursed over my powerlessness and defeats in my inner life and character, the reminder of how blessed I am in this place is just water to my soul and truly good news indeed. I am seeking to have more discipline in my mind to not let discouragement creep in, but to continue to see with the eyes of faith and rejoice over hunger and poverty of spirit.
I had a good chance to preach to myself the other day because I was talking to a girl who was basically going through the exact thing I was. In fact, I think most Christians on a deep level don't believe that the poor in spirit are blessed, but that they are cursed. As we were talking, she did not say this directly, but she was basically saying in so many words: "I desperately want to be more like Jesus, but I am perhaps the lousiest sinner ever, so I don't even deserve to come into God's presence or receive anything from Him. I feel doomed to a defeated, sin filled life." How many of us feel this way deep down inside. It was really neat to share with her this good news that has been getting a grip on my heart, and I think she was really encouraged. The funny thing is that this is the most basic, kindergarten principle of the Christian life--knowing you are a sinner and that we are luckily saved not on our track record but on Christ's track record. This grace and the Holy Spirit empower us to live a new, Spirit filled, victorious life. We have probably known these truths on a head level for so many years, and to feel like I am learning it for the first time is humbling and kind of funny. It is humbling because I usually think way too highly of myself in terms of my Christian maturity, and I am now feeling like I am among the most immature because I haven't even graduated from kindergarten:) I have an inkling that our whole lives will be characterized by this process of learning things on an ever increasing deeper level so it feels like we are learning it for the first time. It is probably God's inbuilt way of keeping us humble and low before Him as he sanctifies us. I am so thankful for his grace because I know I need it!
No comments:
Post a Comment